Friday, October 12, 2018


My head is spinning
My mouth
Dry like a dessert

Falling apart piece by piece
We need a monsoon soon
We need a sweet release
A sweeter dream

Bring me a glass
A cool release
A saving grace

Wet my skin
The way you do my

I'm dehydrated...
That may lead to
And I don't know if
I care...

Let me rejoice in peace
Let me breathe
i plead for mercy

Thursday, October 04, 2018


Eggshells are all around me
on the floor
stuck in my feet
and I'm not even walking

piercing me
leaving marks
because no words can be spoken

and I know too much

I'm in silence
and dread
It breaks me

I'm torn
between what is right
and what feels right

Is honesty
a purely holy policy?
has me questioning that notion...

Fuck my heart could explode!
I am so selfish for this
they are right
I am a bitch....

the eggshells dig deeper in me
and I feel them so intensely...

guilt is hell.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Raven In The Cloud

I was pulled back to the creek today. "The Universe..." (or God, or whatever higher power you subscribe to) "... must've needed me" I thought. 

I went to the usual spot and spoke aloud to the sky. I asked many questions and few made sense in retrospect. I had a lot built up in my mind that day.

The humid air left a film layer of sweat all over me as I tried to keep my cardigan on me. The light gust of wind made goosebumps on my arm, so I needed the cardigan.

At one point I closed my eyes and I took three deep breathes -  "Sometimes just three deep breathes can change everything"

And on this day, it did.

As I took these breathes in, I thought of one question to ask the universe - one question I've wanted answered for months. One simple question - 

"Am I doing the right thing?"

I opened my eyes, and saw a silhouette of a raven in the cloud above me.

Ravens are known to be symbols of bad luck, but they also symbolize change, wisdom, light, and the sun. I had no clue what I was being told by The Universe. I then turned my head to my left ever so slightly to see cloud hearts - and that is when I knew....

"Everything was going to work itself out."

Thursday, September 20, 2018


If a storm cloud is on the horizon
Do you ring the warning bell

Or do you sit in silence
Let god play god
And act as peasants do
Stupid to the situation

Knowledge can cause disorder
A disaster
A concoction of chaos that hangs upon a line
Thinner than floss

Fighting such power
Is hell for a sinner
One who yearns to know
Yearns to suffer

It's heroin
My heroin
Intoxication fucks Intelligence
I'm in turmoil

No one can know
The vixion within

For a fire
Ready to set fire
To whatever it desires

Hold me back
Hold me back

I'll attack
So hold me back…

Or do as the weak do
And stray...

Go away


Saturday, September 15, 2018


I hope you see my errors in your ways...
the judgement the blame
the stories our minds replay
holding on until its time to stray

no longer can I surrender
I've surrendered all I got
so I have no more left to say
but this;
secrets are stupid
and we all got em.
all of us...

I know tons of them
but surely not all of them...

we all hide things
buried deep
in a treasure chest
secrets of our own
and some others too
and me...
I cant hide em.
not much longer...

so open your eyes...
your heart...
open the truth...

and maybe then you'll see why I stayed silent for so long....


Thursday, September 06, 2018

The Tree

I've always been fascinated by trees of all shapes and sizes. Ever since I as young I had always admired them any chance I could get, and no one knows why...

That is about to change.

Back in elementary school there was this tree situated between the baseball diamond and the playground secluded from the rest of the world. It had a bump near the ground which could be used like a chair, and I would sit there all the time. It was my spot - my save haven in the concrete jungle of my school. A few friends would join me there, and we'd imagine being characters from television shows and movies, creating our own stories...

Then I learned the science of trees -  how they take our carbon dioxide and gift us oxygen. It's the most vital, beautiful, and unconditional relationship I've ever seen. Both parties offer something up, and its not because they have to, or need to - it just is, and it lets both of us live. It's like ying and yang. We balance out each other in harmony.

Now I can look at a tree and see how safe and secure I really am, even in the hellfire of anxiety and loneliness. It may be odd, but to me, trees are a symbol of love, unity, balance, and life.



Friday, August 31, 2018

Feeling Brave.

This may never see the light of day
If you are reading this

I was feeling brave


I'm not blind to what's going on
but I pretend to be
because I'm not suppose to see

slowly and surely
you weaved your way through me
and planted your roots
and from there, you grew...

you dove deep into my world
and ever so slowly
chipped away at my resolve

you are making it harder for me
to breathe...

I see the shadows you cast upon me
I see the way you exclude and excell
waiting for my expiration date
to take everything from me


This may see the light of day
If you are reading this

I am feeling brave.